Is the Church being unfair? If you don't receive a decree of nullity, Lisa Duffy thinks the wrong person is often being blamed.
She's going to say something that may upset a few people—but hear her out.
When waiting for an annulment feels like punishment
Lisa recently spoke with a friend who's waiting for the decision on her annulment case. She's worried. She knows that if she doesn't receive a decree of nullity—the document stating that the marriage was invalid—then she cannot remarry. She feels unjustly punished. She wants to know why the Church is being so unfair.
It's true: the Catholic Church teaches that without a decree of nullity, you cannot remarry. There are so many divorced Catholics who feel the same way. Their spouse walked out. The marriage feels over. Yet the Church won't let them move forward into a new marriage. Lisa totally gets why that feels unfair.
The Church isn't punishing you—it's holding you to your vows
Here's what most people miss. The Church is not trying to punish you or be unfair. The Church truly wants to see you happy.
What the Church is doing is holding you and your spouse to the vows you freely made on your wedding day. You didn't promise to stay married as long as it felt good or as long as you were happy. On your wedding day, you promised to stay married for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part.
If one spouse breaks those promises, they're not erased.
What if the Church treated vows as optional?
Look at it from this angle. Imagine the Church said, "Okay, your spouse walked out and filed for divorce—so your vows don't really matter." Suddenly every marriage becomes conditional. And we know that is not the sacrament God instituted.
Scripture tells us: what God has joined together, let no man separate.
Not every marriage is valid—that's what the annulment asks
Does this mean every marriage is valid? No.
The annulment process asks whether a valid marriage existed from the beginning—not whether someone became a bad spouse later on.
The Church is not punishing you. The Church is taking you at your word. It's honoring the covenant you and your spouse freely made on your wedding day.
So if your spouse broke the vows and walked out, your spouse is the one being unfair—not the Church.
Try reconciliation first—then seek God's will through the process
Lisa's advice is to first try reconciliation. You would be amazed at the marriages that were on the brink of divorce and were saved because one of the spouses offered reconciliation.
If reconciliation is not possible, she still encourages you to go through the annulment process—not with worry and discouragement, but with a sincere desire to understand God's will for your life.
Pray for the canon lawyers who are making that decision. Trust that God will bring good things out of the bad. God wants you to be happy, and He will work all things—even the hard things—for your good.
Taking the next step
If you're looking for more support as a divorced or separated Catholic, explore the Journey of Hope online subscriptions. The program offers Catholic teaching, encouragement, and practical support from the privacy of your own home.
Watch the video: Is The Church Being Unfair? Or Is Your Ex?
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