The holidays can be especially tough for someone going through a divorce. While friends and family gather in celebration, your loved one might be feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. You want to help, but you’re unsure what to say or do. Your desire to comfort them is sincere, yet finding the right approach can be tricky. Offering support in the right way during this delicate time is essential.
Here are some thoughtful suggestions to help you provide comfort to a loved one struggling with divorce, especially as the holiday season approaches:
1. Listen, Don’t Speak—Offer a Hug Instead of Advice
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen. Your loved one might not need advice or solutions, but rather a safe space to express their feelings. Divorce can bring an overwhelming sense of failure or rejection. Offering a hug and your silent presence can speak volumes. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just being there, offering empathy and an open heart, can make a significant difference.
2. Let Them Know, “I’m Here For You—Whenever You Need Me”
A few reassuring words can mean everything. Saying something as simple as, “I’m here for you,” followed by genuinely being available, shows your loved one that they have someone to lean on. This might mean answering a late-night call or welcoming them at your doorstep unexpectedly. While it may be inconvenient at times, your steady presence during their most vulnerable moments provides a much-needed anchor of support.
3. Check In Regularly
Sometimes, those going through divorce feel abandoned by the world. Regular check-ins can remind them that they are not alone. Whether it’s a quick call, text, or message every few days, this gesture can offer reassurance and comfort during difficult moments. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate conversation—just the simple act of asking how they are can make a world of difference.
4. Offer to Help with Their Children
If your loved one has children, one of the greatest gifts you can offer is to take the kids off their hands for a few hours. Whether they need time for themselves, to attend counseling, or even face their ex-spouse in court, giving them space to recharge can be an enormous help. Offering childcare, even for a brief time, shows them you care about their well-being and understand their needs.
5. Bring a Meal—Small Acts of Kindness Count
Divorce brings with it a wave of emotional exhaustion. Your loved one may be too drained to even manage simple tasks like cooking. Offering to bring a meal, help with grocery shopping, or run errands can be a lifeline when their emotional reserves are low. Small, thoughtful gestures go a long way in easing their burdens.
6. Invite Them to Join You for Church or Social Outings
While they might initially hesitate or decline, inviting your loved one to Mass, a day trip, or even a casual coffee run can be a lifeline. These invitations show that you still want them involved in your life, which helps them feel less isolated. Even if they don’t accept the offer right away, knowing that someone wants to spend time with them is a comfort.
7. Encourage Them to Stay Connected to Their Faith
Divorce can bring feelings of unworthiness, shame, and loneliness, leading some to withdraw from their faith community. Encourage your loved one to stay connected to their church. God’s love is unconditional, and they need to know they are still valued and welcomed in the Church, no matter what has happened.
8. Support Their Standards—Don’t Let Them Settle
Divorce often leads to a crisis of faith and identity. Some may feel tempted to lower their standards or rush into another relationship to ease their pain. Be the voice of encouragement, reminding them that they are worthy of love, and they don’t need to settle for less than they deserve. Encourage patience and self-care as they heal.
9. Pray for Them—This is the Best Gift You Can Give
There is no greater support you can offer than the power of prayer. Whether you choose to pray the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, or your own heartfelt petitions, praying for your loved one is the most effective way to bring them peace and comfort. Prayer invites God’s grace into their healing journey, and it reminds them that they are never truly alone.
10. Maintain Their Trust—Keep Their Struggles Private
Divorce can leave your loved one feeling exposed and vulnerable. If they share their personal struggles with you, respect their privacy and keep those conversations confidential. Building trust is essential in maintaining a supportive relationship. Your discretion will help them feel secure and respected during this painful time.
11. Be Patient with Their Emotions
Divorce brings an emotional storm, and at times, it may feel like their feelings are all over the place. Anger, sadness, fear, and confusion may come out in waves, and your loved one might not have the capacity to control these emotions yet. Be patient and compassionate, giving them the time they need to work through their feelings.
12. Avoid Encouraging Them to Date
While it may be tempting to "fix" their loneliness by setting them up with someone, this isn’t the best approach. Encourage healing and personal growth before suggesting a new relationship. Your loved one needs time to process the divorce, heal their wounds, and rebuild their self-esteem before entering the dating world again.
Final Thoughts
Supporting a loved one through a divorce is challenging, but by being present, patient, and empathetic, you can make a meaningful impact. The holiday season can amplify feelings of loss and loneliness, so taking the time to offer comfort and love is even more crucial. Your efforts, no matter how small they may seem, can provide the strength and hope they need to get through this difficult chapter in their lives.