As we approach the season of Advent, we also come to the close of the liturgical year, a time of reflection and renewal. This transition serves as a powerful reminder that everything in life changes—nothing stays the same. Just as the Church prepares for the coming of Christ, we too are called to embrace the changes in our own lives. For those experiencing the pain of divorce, this can be a daunting challenge. But, as difficult as it may seem, these changes offer an opportunity for growth and transformation.
The pain of losing a marriage is profound. The sorrow and heartache can feel overwhelming, leaving you wondering how to move forward. Yet, as Christians, we are reminded that change, even painful change, doesn’t have to be for nothing. In fact, it can lead to something better, a deeper peace, and a stronger sense of purpose.
Trust the Process
Wait… what? you might be thinking. Divorce should not be part of my process. If that’s your first reaction to this point, I can’t blame you. Divorce is a shock to the system because it’s not what God wants for us. But the decision has been made, so what I’m suggesting you trust is God’s providence in all this. Scripture tells us that God works all things for our good (Romans 8:29), so we must trust that this process will bear good fruit down the road if we allow God to work in our lives.
It’s important to trust that this chapter of your life will pass and give way to a better one. Just as seasons change, so too will this period of pain and confusion. Ecclesiastes 7:3 tells us, “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of countenance the heart is made glad.” This passage reminds us that while sorrow is difficult to endure, it has the power to transform us in ways that laughter and joy cannot.
When you’re in the midst of divorce, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But like St. Paul, who faced countless hardships yet never wavered in his mission, you too can find purpose in your suffering. St. Paul’s life was filled with trials, but he trusted in the Holy Spirit to guide him, remaining open to the changes that each new challenge brought. His resilience and faith offer a blueprint for us to follow during our own times of difficulty.
It’s Okay to Change
For so many, divorce feels like an incredible loss of identity. Who are you now that you’re no longer married? Where do you fit in at your parish? What does your future look like? It’s easy to become stuck in these questions, but it’s crucial to remember that change is not only natural, it’s necessary. If we refuse to grow and evolve, we risk stagnating emotionally and spiritually.
Allow yourself to change. Give yourself grace as you navigate this new chapter of life, because change is hard. It’s okay to struggle with it, but it’s important to remain open to what lies ahead. Embracing change means accepting that this new state of life—however painful it may be now—holds the potential for something better.
Practice Radical Acceptance
One of the most challenging but important steps in healing after divorce is practicing radical acceptance. This means coming to terms with your new reality, even when it feels unfair or impossible to accept. While it's easier said than done, radical acceptance is a key part of moving forward. It doesn’t mean that you have to like what has happened, but it does mean that you stop fighting against it internally. In doing so, you free yourself to heal and grow.
Be Open to the Holy Spirit
Like St. Paul, we are called to be open to the Holy Spirit and to the ways in which God is working in our lives, even when we can’t see it clearly. Your pain can be transformed into peace if you remain open to where the Holy Spirit is leading you. Trust that your suffering is not without purpose, and that God will lead you through it to a place of healing and wholeness.
In this season of Advent, as we prepare for the coming of Christ, let us also prepare ourselves for the changes that life brings. Divorce is difficult, but it is not the end. It’s an invitation to grow, to transform, and to trust in the higher purpose God has for you.